During the Great Depression, no one trusted banks.
Including Justice Bird’s grandpa.
“This depression better end soon. It’s starting to impact my love life.”
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A phrase that you that you will never, EVER hear:
“Yeah, we tried couples counseling -
it totally worked and we’re in love again!!!”
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The idea of blowing on things in order to
fix them was ludicrous…
until a rainy spring day in 1988.
“Trust me.”
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textual refractory period (TRP)
[tekst-shoo-uh l] [ri-frak-tuh-ree] [peer-ee-uhd]
–noun, Digital Technology
Definition of TEXTUAL REFRACTORY PERIOD:
The amount of time it takes someone to respond to a text message
Examples of TEXTUAL REFRACTORY PERIOD (TRP):
- I sent her a text message over three hours ago! I don’t know if she’s ignoring me or if she just has a long textual refractory period.
- During his textual refractory period, a male is temporarily uninterested in further texting.
- Ugh! My grandpa’s TRP is like 20 hours!
“Come on grandpa. You can do it .”
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When applying for college, Justice Bird was asked
to write a 20,000 word essay on the most
influential person in his life.
He drew a self-portrait on a Post-It Note.
The Admissions Committee flew out to congratulate him.
(And to apologize for wasting his time.)
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Justice Bird wonders… When people accidentally move into a haunted “Sure I wake up every single night being strangled to death…
house, and inevitably discover that the demon
living inside is trying to murder them,
why don’t they just leave?
but I REALLY don’t want to move back in with my parents.”
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Type each of the following simple words into the box
below and click continue.
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Dear Justice Bird,
How often should I wash my bath towels?
Thanks,
Frankie, Kansas City
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Dear Frankie,
Thank you for your question. Let’s think about it. When do you use your towels? When you get out of the shower. When are you the cleanest you’ll ever be? When you get out of the shower! So, the only time you use your towels is when you’re the cleanest you’ll ever be.
It stands to reason then, that you never have to wash your towels.
Come on, Frankie, you’re better than this.
Your friend,
Justice Bird
Caw!
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Justice Bird hid something. You should find it. Godspeed.
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It IS acceptable to celebrate your graduation
from high school or college.
It is NOT acceptable to celebrate your
graduation from anything else, such as
pre-school or kindergarten.
“I am a baby. I do not even know what is happening.”
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